The Discomfort of Intimacy

I used to know this girl that had experienced some pretty bad relationships and some sexual abuse in her past. She worked hard to “work through” all of that. She was in therapy for a couple of years, journaled pretty consistently, spent more hours in prayer than could be counted and shed even more tears than that as she worked tirelessly on trying to get to a place of sanity.

She had finally come to the place where she felt as though her past no longer had a hold on her. She could admit that she’d had some bad relationships but was also able to acknowledge that good relationships could exist and she was actually able to have one herself. Not gonna lie, I was pretty proud of her. It wasn’t long after walking into this place of healing that she met and fell in love with the man who is now her husband. The cool part of this story is that if you ask either one of them, they’ll tell you that they have a solid marriage, they’re happy, and they love each other. Sounds like a fairy tale love story doesn’t it?

Not really. Not if you know about the pain that was involved in the first year of marriage. In fact, from her perspective, their first year of marriage was quite often filled with needless arguments, shame from her past, guilt at not being a “good wife,” pretty consistent anger at her husband, and a palpable fear that her marriage was just one more example of a relationship she couldn’t do well. (more…)