As a therapist, I often talk to couples about their goals for our work together or how I can be most helpful. Couples typically say something along the lines of improving their communication, fighting less, or working through issues regarding their intimate lives. Many couples say something along the lines of, “We’re good except for our _______.” You can fill in that blank for yourself. The only problem with this is, there is rarely a couple who actually knows that main thing they need to work on. Not really knowing is not a weakness. It’s simply human nature. We don’t always know where to focus.
Alright, I want you to take just a couple of minutes (literally) and watch the video below. Seriously. Please take the one minute and 41 seconds needed to watch the video because it makes an incredibly strong point for the rest of this article.
So, how’d you do?
The reason that half of us miss the unexpected events in the video is because our focus is on one task or event.
So often, we do the same in our marriage. We focus ourselves on one event (communication, arguments, our sexual relationship) and we briefly forget that humans are complex individuals and a simple solution just doesn’t seem to work. (more…)