Marriage God’s Way: A Book Review

Marriage God's Way Book CoverI recently, within the last few months, met a pastor named Scott LaPierre, who is the author of Marriage God’s Way. Now when I say met, what I really mean is a virtual introduction. We’re both bloggers for the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association and through that common network we’ve become friends. He’s actually written on this blog on two occasions:

After reading his posts on my blog, I decided to read his book as well. While I’ve briefly reviewed it on Goodreads and Amazon, I wanted to give a slightly fuller review on my site. Also, one of my commenters will receive their own copy absolutely free. Sweet, right?!

Let me start by giving you a bit of an overall understanding of Pastor Scott’s view of marriage. From the book, you can easily see that he is complementarian in his view. Basically, the complementarian view of marriage holds that “God has created man and woman equal in their essential dignity and human personhood, but different and complementary in function with male headship in the home and in the church.”

You’ll see the complementarian view woven throughout the book. In fact, after one of his posts on my site, I had a reader express some upset feelings regarding this role. Don’t worry about that part too much. I’ve read this book, and whether you hold strictly to this view or not, I assure you that you’ll be challenged to improve your marriage and be encouraged that it’s possible. Here are a few examples why… (more…)

The Insider Scoop: What really happens in a sex therapist’s office!

Couple in counseling

I chose to study about sex therapy for a couple of reasons; my own brokenness and the brokenness of others. I truly believe that God can cover our hurts and imperfections and allow us to rest in the peace that through Christ we are redeemed. Even when I get the opportunity to share those points with others, it isn’t at all unusual for people to wonder just exactly what happens in the office of a sex therapist, especially the office of a Christian sex therapist. While, I’ve written before about what you might learn in sex therapy, I thought it would be helpful to also explain the basic process.

Like before, I’m going to give a bit of a disclaimer. It takes quite a bit of time and work to actually get certified as a sex therapist. I’m doing my certification through the American Board of Christian Sex Therapists, but I’m not completely through the process. So while I have more training in this area than many of the therapists I know, I’m not a certified sex therapist yet. And…disclaimer over!

The DEC-R Model

The process of sex therapy can be explained through the acronym, DEC-R: Dialogue, Education, Coaching, and Referral. This isn’t a linear process and you’ll likely notice that we move from one domain to the next quite fluidly, going back and forth to each one until you’ve finished the process of therapy.

Dialogue:

Part of my job, for anyone who works with me, is just to make the entire process of talking about sexual issues easier. Most people find it quite difficult to share their concerns or disappointment about their sexual lives with their spouse. I work with a couple to create a safe place to speak about sex.  (more…)

A Helper Comparable to Him

Guest post from Scott LaPierre, the author of Marriage God's Way

The following is an excerpt from Marriage God’s Way by Scott LaPierre. I have invited Pastor Scott to write some guest posts on Genesis 2:18 when God said, “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.” In his last post he discussed why it’s not good for man to be alone, or in other words, why men need a helper! Now he’s going to discuss why women shouldn’t be bothered being identified as their husband’s ‘helper.’

The Hebrew word for helper is ezer. It means “help” or “one who helps” looking to the complementarian roles between husbands and wives. The word ezer occurs 21 times in the Old Testament, including twice in Genesis 2, first in verse 18 and then in verse 20 when Adam named the animals and could not find “a helper comparable to him.”

Some women might find it offensive to be identified as their husband’s “helper,” but the title is not a criticism of Eve’s insufficiency but an identification of Adam’s inadequacy! In the Amplified Bible Genesis 2:18 reads: “Now the Lord God said, ‘It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone.’” Woman is the helper man needs because he is not sufficient without her! God created woman to remove man’s deficiency. Marriage experts and authors Richard and Sharon Phillips explain:

To call a woman a helper is not to emphasize her weakness, but her strength. Not to label her as superfluous but as essential to Adam’s condition and to God’s purpose in the world. Helper is a position of dignity given to the woman by God Himself.[1]

Ezer is never used in Scripture for something negative, such as a sycophant, minion, or slave. Instead it is used to describe great strength and support. Consider these verses: (more…)

The Helper a Man Needs

Guest post from Scott LaPierre, the author of Marriage God's Way

marriagegodsway

The following is an excerpt from Marriage God’s Way by Scott LaPierre. I have invited him to write some guest posts on Genesis 2:18 when God said, “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a him a helper comparable to him.”

For six straight days, God created dry land, sun, moon, stars, sea creatures, birds, and animals. At the end of each day, “God saw that it was good” (Genesis 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25). But for the first time in the Creation account, in Genesis 2:18, God saw something that was not good—man’s being alone.

God’s statement is even more interesting when we consider that Adam and Eve had not yet disobeyed. We do not typically think of anything being “not good” until after the Fall. Since Adam had not sinned yet, it was not Adam himself who was not good. Neither was it anything he had or had not done that was not good. It was simply Adam’s being alone that was not good. Let’s understand why it was not—and still is not—good for man to be alone.

Why Man Needs Needs a Helper…

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Change Your Focus – Change Your Marriage

Couple using binoculars to focus their attention.

As a therapist, I often talk to couples about their goals for our work together or how I can be most helpful. Couples typically say something along the lines of improving their communication, fighting less, or working through issues regarding their intimate lives. Many couples say something along the lines of, “We’re good except for our _______.” You can fill in that blank for yourself. The only problem with this is, there is rarely a couple who actually knows that main thing they need to work on. Not really knowing is not a weakness. It’s simply human nature. We don’t always know where to focus. 

Illustration Time!!!

Alright, I want you to take just a couple of minutes (literally) and watch the video below. Seriously. Please take the one minute and 41 seconds needed to watch the video because it makes an incredibly strong point for the rest of this article.

So, how’d you do?

The reason that half of us miss the unexpected events in the video is because our focus is on one task or event.

So often, we do the same in our marriage. We focus ourselves on one event (communication, arguments, our sexual relationship) and we briefly forget that humans are complex individuals and a simple solution just doesn’t seem to work. (more…)