Change Your Focus – Change Your Marriage

Couple using binoculars to focus their attention.

As a therapist, I often talk to couples about their goals for our work together or how I can be most helpful. Couples typically say something along the lines of improving their communication, fighting less, or working through issues regarding their intimate lives. Many couples say something along the lines of, “We’re good except for our _______.” You can fill in that blank for yourself. The only problem with this is, there is rarely a couple who actually knows that main thing they need to work on. Not really knowing is not a weakness. It’s simply human nature. We don’t always know where to focus. 

Illustration Time!!!

Alright, I want you to take just a couple of minutes (literally) and watch the video below. Seriously. Please take the one minute and 41 seconds needed to watch the video because it makes an incredibly strong point for the rest of this article.

So, how’d you do?

The reason that half of us miss the unexpected events in the video is because our focus is on one task or event.

So often, we do the same in our marriage. We focus ourselves on one event (communication, arguments, our sexual relationship) and we briefly forget that humans are complex individuals and a simple solution just doesn’t seem to work. (more…)

Breaking Bad Habits is Key to a Happy Marriage

Modernity - A Confidence Development Agency by Tamisha Ford
July 31, 2016

I just wanted to take a quick moment to share this article with you that I wrote over at Modernity. Just click on the link to go straight to the article. 

Tamisha Ford, the creator of Modernity, aims to empower women to have the confidence they desire. I’ve just decided to be a monthly contributor to her blog where I’ll discuss relationship health and total body wholeness.

This month’s article is extremely relevant because it describes why our relationships sometimes remain toxic. Take a glance at this article and see if there are changes you need to make in your marriage to get yourselves to a healthier place.

Then, leave a comment and let me know what you think. What will you do to begin breaking some bad relationship habits?

Ladies, does your husband have a habit of groping you when you’re not expecting it? Watch this video to see what you can do about it.

And, if you have a question you want answered, you can anonymously ask on my “Ask a Question” page. Just click here!

How NOT to be one of those couples that fight all the time

Tips for a conflict-free marriage

Couple hugging and laughing together

I’ve noted before how tough the first year of marriage was for me and Jacob, because we just seemed to fight constantly. I don’t mean any knock-down drag out fights by the way. There was no physical abuse or verbal abuse. Nobody threw anything at one another or threatened to move out. But, there was an undercurrent of disagreement and discontent that permeated our married existence. That first year was TOUGH!

In hindsight, we really brought most of it and maybe all of it on ourselves. I can certainly say without hesitancy that I was a difficult woman to live with and the proverbial “decay in his bones.”

I know I’m not the only one who has had a time of discontent in marriage. In fact, since I work with couples, I can say that conflict in marriage is an all too common occurrence. The good new is that you really can protect your marriage from heavy conflict. So, if you’ve been getting closer to the “we fight all the time” mark, read on to discover why that happens and how NOT to let it happen to you.

Why couples fight:

While there can be many “reasons” for conflict in marriage, there is an overwhelming “umbrella” reason for the conflict – expectations. (more…)

Three Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Marriage

Biracial couple hugging one another

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I’m a big fan of natural alternatives to medication and getting our bodies back to the way God designed them. Your cells are constantly trying to achieve homeostasis, or balance and toxins disrupt this process. How does this relate to marriage? Well…couples can have a host of relationship toxins that cause turmoil as the couple tries desperately to create homeostasis in the relationship.

Here’s an interesting thought. Some people have lived with sickness or illness for so long that they don’t even realize they could be healthier. They just accept their poor health. The exact same thing can happen in marriage. Some couples have been hurting or upset for so long that they cannot even fathom a situation in which they could be doing well.

So how do you get rid of toxins in your relationship? First, get the bad out, then get some good in.

Rid Yourself of Unforgiveness:

One of the most damaging things to a relationship is a lack of forgiveness in either spouse. In fact, even if only one spouse is struggling with unforgiveness the relationship is likely to either fail or be pretty miserable. (more…)